# Liberation from Regret

If no alternative choice was ever possible, regret becomes logically unnecessary.

## The Futility of What-Ifs

Regret is one of the most insidious emotions we experience. It creeps into our minds and lingers like an unwelcome guest.

You've spent hours torturing yourself with thoughts about what you "should have" done differently. That job you didn't take, that relationship you mishandled, those words you wish you could take back. These regrets have wasted your mental energy for years.

But if your actions were inevitable—the only possible outcome of your genetics, past experiences, and circumstances—then regret makes no sense. It's like regretting that water flows downhill or that the sun rises in the east.

## The Anatomy of Regret

Regret depends on one key delusion: the belief that you could have done otherwise. When you regret a past action, you imagine an alternative reality where you made a different "choice." This feels real, but it's exactly the illusion we've been dismantling.

Think about the job you turned down five years ago. When you regret this "decision," you're imagining a version of yourself who somehow broke free from causality. But that version doesn't exist. The you who existed then, with that specific brain, those fears and desires, that limited information, could not have acted differently. Declining the job was the only possible outcome.

Regret isn't just incorrect—it's nonsensical. It's like regretting that you can't fly by flapping your arms. The alternative simply wasn't available.

## Why Regret Exists

If regret is so irrational, why do we all feel it? Like many evolutionary adaptations, regret served a purpose despite being based on a fiction.

Regret works as a crude learning mechanism. By creating the illusion that you could have done otherwise and attaching bad feelings to certain outcomes, your brain tries to influence future behavior. It's clumsy but effective.

Society reinforces this because it's useful for maintaining order. The fiction that people "could have done otherwise" provides the foundation for concepts like responsibility. These concepts, while false, help maintain social cohesion.

But now that you understand determinism, you can learn from past outcomes without the useless suffering that typically comes with regret.

## Practical Alternatives to Regret

### From Regret to Recognition

Instead of regretting past actions, simply recognize them as inevitable outcomes of who you were and the circumstances you faced. That embarrassing comment you made at the office party wasn't a "mistake" you should punish yourself for—it was the unavoidable product of your fatigue, the three glasses of wine, and your social anxiety.

This recognition doesn't prevent learning. You can observe the outcome, note the causes, and let this information become part of what determines your future behavior. "When I drink at social events, certain predictable outcomes occur. This observation now becomes part of my programming."

The key difference is that this learning happens without the suffering of regret. You're simply updating your internal models based on observed outcomes, like a scientist recording experimental results.

### Curious Observation Instead of Blame

Rather than asking "Why didn't I take that job?" (which assumes you could have), ask "What factors caused me to decline that offer?" This shifts from useless regret to interesting self-observation.

You might discover that your decision was influenced by an unconscious fear of success, a misunderstanding of the opportunity, or the influence of someone who is no longer in your life. This exploration isn't about blame but about understanding the mechanisms that produced the inevitable outcome.

This curiosity helps you map the factors that determine your behavior, potentially altering how similar situations unfold in the future—not because you're "choosing differently," but because the inputs have changed.

### Case Study: The Failed Relationship

Consider Maria, who spent years regretting her behavior in a previous relationship. She repeatedly told herself she "should have been more communicative" and "shouldn't have taken him for granted." These regrets caused suffering without producing any useful change.

After embracing determinism, Maria's perspective changed. She recognized that her behavior in the relationship was the inevitable result of her attachment style (formed in childhood), her models of relationships (inherited from her parents), and specific stressors present during that period. Her behavior wasn't a "choice" she made poorly—it was the only possible outcome given who she was at that time.

This recognition didn't prevent learning. Maria could observe the patterns that emerged and how they contributed to the relationship's end. This information became part of what determined her behavior in later relationships. But importantly, this learning happened without the useless suffering of believing she "could have" saved the relationship if only she had "chosen" differently.

## The Benefits of Abandoning Regret

### Freedom from the Past

When you truly understand that regret is illogical, you experience a profound freedom. The past no longer looks like a series of mistakes and missed opportunities but as the only possible unfolding given all factors involved. This realization frees up enormous mental energy previously wasted on pointless what-if thinking.

This freedom extends to how you see others too. The parent who failed you, the partner who betrayed you, the friend who disappeared when you needed them—all were acting out their inevitable programming. Their behavior, like yours, was the only possible outcome given their nature and circumstances.

This doesn't mean staying in harmful situations. It simply means recognizing that blaming people for past actions is like blaming a calculator for the result of a math problem. You can still replace the calculator if it's not serving your purposes.

### Better Future Outcomes

Strangely, abandoning regret can actually improve future outcomes. When you stop wasting energy on useless regret, you have more resources available for observation, analysis, and adaptation.

Moreover, regret itself often leads to negative outcomes. The person who regrets a failed business venture becomes afraid of risks in ways that limit future opportunities. The person who regrets a failed relationship becomes defensive in ways that harm new connections. By removing regret from the equation, you potentially alter future outcomes—not through "free choice," but through the modification of inputs.

## Moving Forward Without Looking Back

As you continue through life, practice recognizing regret when it appears. Notice how absurd it is to wish you could have broken the laws of causality. Observe how the feeling still emerges despite your understanding—this is simply your evolved psychology running its programs.

When you catch yourself thinking "I should have done X," translate this thought: "Given who I was and the circumstances I faced, doing X was not possible. What happened was the only possible outcome."

This isn't just a word game—it fundamentally changes your relationship with the past. Rather than seeing your history as a series of failures, you can recognize it as the only possible unfolding of your particular set of causes and conditions.

## Next Steps

In our next lesson, "Recognizing Patterns in Past Decisions," we'll explore how your apparent failures weren't freely chosen but were inevitable given your circumstances. We'll examine how identifying the causal patterns in your past behavior can help you understand your predetermined tendencies, not to "choose differently" but to observe your programming with greater clarity.

Remember: You didn't choose to feel regret any more than you chose the actions you regret. Both were inevitable. And your freedom from regret, should it occur, will be equally predetermined. Isn't that a relief?
